Cathedrals have tried in vainTo show the image of your face.But we are, by your design,The signature of divine.

A Diamond is Forever

I've gotten out of the routine of blogging. This weekend when I went camping, I realized that I missed it because it forces you to slow down and take a closer look at the life you lead.

Since my last post, I started a new year of teaching, went to Greece and fell head over heels in love with the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

In June, I will become Mrs. Heather Toney. I still have moments when it all seems surreal. The rest of my moments feel like it is too good to be true. I am marrying the most incredible person I've ever met.

This weekend we went camping with my Indiana Family. The adults were sitting around the campfire after playing a dangerous round of Spoons. The kids felt left out that they were not included, so Brian got up, and began another round of Spoons with the kids. I looked over at him laughing and joking with the kids, and I thought...if only everyone could be this lucky.

One of the things that I love most about him, is his compassion for the people that mean the most to me. I overheard him talking to someone about his sisters and how much he cares for them...it threw me off guard because Brian is an only child. It took me a minute to realize he was talking about the little girls that I grew up with. It brought tears to my eyes to overhear him talking to someone about how protective he is of his sisters.

On Friday, I was teaching my sixth grade students about symbolism. I learned that a diamond symbolizes consistancy. I wear his diamond on my left ring finger, and I've never found this symbolism to be so true. Brian is the most consistant thing in my life. It would truly be an honor to spend the rest of my life loving and serving Brian with every fiber of my being.

As the next 9 months of my life will be busy and focused on lots of little details of our wedding, my goal is to make it a point to slow down and take a closer look at the things I am most thankful for.

There comes a point with people we love when we can no longer separate ourselves from them. When they are in pain, you wipe a tear off your own cheek because it just dropped from their eye.

Patience, Grasshopper.

The whole world is filled with buttons and not one of them is mine.

If we take a minute to look through God's eyes, would our priorities shift?

If we take a minute to look through God's eyes, would our priorities shift?

Last Sunday, after church, I decided that I wasn't going to do anything else except pack since I'm moving in a few weeks. So, once I got home I was ready to get to work. Nothing was going to take me away from my packing.

Until I checked my cell phone. I missed a call from Jessie, the girl I had custody of this year. I called her back and she asked if I could come pick her up--she needed to get out of the house and needed to talk. She ended up spending the day with me. She didn't want to tell me because she thought I'd be disappointed, but she is back in the same pit she was before she got up in Juvi. We talked for hours, until it was time for me to go to youth group. I was at youth group till it was time to get my lessons ready for the week. My full day of packing went down the tubes.

I was beating myself up because that was my last weekend at home until I have to move. So now I'll have to pack during the school week instead of using large chunks of weekend time. I thought to myself, "way to go--you got absolutely NOTHING done."

Then a 2 by 4 hit me. God looked at the day and probably saw the most productive day ever. I look at the day and saw what I could have done. God sees that spending a whole day investing time in the youth is time well spent.

Oh, the change of perspective is so welcomed in my life.

Can we complain if we don't do anything about it?

The other day, Brian and I went into this store where the two people working probably hadn't had a customer all day. They were deep in a conversation, and to be honest, I don't think they knew or cared that we were there. They were talking about how glad they were that a law was just passed saying that parents can't blame anyone but themselves for the way their children turn out. They can no longer blame music, video games or television for their child's violent actions.

The two people working (around my age) continued to talk about how they couldn't believe kids these days. When they were younger, things were different. They respected people. The future of our world is damned if these kids are the future.

Of course since I'm a teacher, a youth leader, and a volunteer at the Juvenile Center, this conversation intrigued me. I started thinking about what they were talking about... at first, I was outraged. How can they say these things about the kids that I spend nearly every minute of the day serving? How can they be so quick to place the blame? What are they doing to fix the problem that they so clearly see? What about looking at things through the eyes of a twelve year old girl who looks through the bars and windows to the outside world everyday? What about looking at the little girl who sits in Juvi and asks the volunteer, "What does it feel like to walk on grass barefooted? I can't remember..."

Granted, I am an advocate of the youth...and sometimes, I have to be the voice for the voiceless. So maybe I am a little biased. But if they took the time they spent complaining, and put it toward looking into the eyes of a kid who is lost, there would be that much less violence. Instead of using their words to tear down the youth, why not use the words to build them up? Instead of criticizing teenagers, why not talk to them? Instead of pointing a finger at them, why not just give them the whole hand. So many of these kids need one.

I wanted to walk up to this girl on her soapbox. I wanted to tell her that she should walk into the juvenile center and answer just one question. Most likely, the kid would say, "I want so desperately to be out of this pit...but I've never met anyone who can help me get out--or at least tell me how."

Want a solution? First, go to church. Not in a church building. I'm talking about Church in a Cell. Once you get past the barbed wire fence, the guards and the bars, you will meet Jesus. At least, that where I've met him on a deeper level than I've ever met him in a church building. Then, use your words. Not to complain, but to help put an end to the problems you so freely complain about. If you do nothing about the problem--you have no room to complain about the solution.

"At this moment, there are 6 billion, 470 million, 818 thousand, 6 hundred and 71 people in this world. Some are running scared, some are running home, some tell lies to make it through the day; others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls.

And sometimes, all you need is one."

Tonight, "Girls Group" begins at Juvi. Maybe tonight will be the beginning of a journey for some of these girls. Maybe tonight will cause at least one to think differently. Maybe tonight, a lost girl will begin realizing that out of the 6 billion people in this world--there is one who cares for her. And maybe tonight, one girl will realize that tonight--out of the 6 billion people doing 6 billion different things on this earth--she matters.

Good luck, God--you're about to move--I can feel it.

ready, set, GOd.

The mess in my head hits paper

I've been spending a lot of time at Juvi... the kids call it "The Hill." I've been hanging out with some kids up there...and I'm learning about God in a totally different way. One conversation was flooring. The girl said that she actually could live up there because it's the first time in her life that she hasn't had to deal with constant arguing. How sad is it that we've created a place for her in this world where the only place she feels safe is a jail? "The Hill" is supposed to be a place where the kids who make others unsafe go. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this situation?

What can we do, as Christians, to change this? Something has to be done.




I will be the candle in the darkness.
I will be the hand of heaven reaching out.
I will be the mirror that reflects your unending love.
I will be the hope to the hopeless.
When there is conflict, I will be the peace that is needed.

Only by the power of Your Spirit living in me.

Belated Valentine's Day

I have never been big on Valentine's Day. But this year was a Valentine's Day I'll never forget. Since I had a major swim meet on Valentine's Day, Brian and I celebrated on Valentine's Day Eve. It was so sweet. Brian planned to cook this wonderful meal. When he got to my house, he told me that we were going to go out to a local chocolate store, so I can pick out the chocolates that I like...that way I wouldn't get any that I didn't like. As he walked me out to the car, I noticed this beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting in the passenger's seat. They were gorgeous! So, we went back inside to the put the flowers in the house, and as I'm bringing in the flowers, Brian is bringing the stuff for the dinner. We put them both on the counter and went to the candy store.

When we got home, the food was all over the house. The really nice rolls that Brian got for us had chunks missing, claw marks, bite marks, and the plastic bag it came in had holes all over it. Yep. I then found the culprit:




Brian made Valentine's Day wonderful. Then, the next day, I get to school and receive these gifts from my students:















(Yes, this is a half eaten chocolate fish...this picture is exactly as it was when I received it. )















Yes, a cough drop.



























































This card is from the boys... yes, everything is spelled wrong...on purpose.

I feel like a 23 year old again.

Jessie moved out three weeks after moving in. She got in trouble at school, and our deal was, that if she got in trouble, she would lose her cell phone. When she knew she was going to lose it, she ran away. I was just heart broken. She ran to a place where she knew she could do whatever she wanted and have no rules. I just want what's best for her. That's not what's best, but there's nothing I can do about it.

It was hard, but now things are getting back to normal. I can go back to eating green beans for dinner. When Brian and I go on dates, I don't need to find a babysitter.

But I miss her terribly. I can't walk by her room without my head hanging down or my shoulders slouching.

God is faithful. What little we have, we can turn into something big and beautiful.

I'm a mom...kinda.

The past two weeks have been life-changing. I became a guardian to a 15 year old girl. If you read my xanga posts, you would know this girl as the girl that cussed me out everyday last year. It's kinda a long story-but she wanted to get out of her home so badly that she was willing to check herself into Juvi. She came in to school to withdraw, and I couldn't allow that to happen. Juvi would blow out that light inside of her.

So, on Sunday, January 13, Jessie moved in with me. It's been a hard transition. I've gone from living, dating, eating by myself on my schedule, to being responsible for her 24/7. She's gone through a tough transition of having no rules, to having my rules. She's still a 15 year old girl, wants freedom, is homesick, and thrown into living with her old teacher. It's been crazy. I prayed for this girl forever, and I just didn't know that God wanted me a part of the solution. So far it's been good--she's been happier, clean, and her self-esteem has come up.

When I prayed about doing this, I was reminded by these few verses and quotes:

Hebrews 13:2

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.


*****

Let's be honest, it's easy to go to a church service, it's easy to read a bible. It's easy to discuss who believes what and who is right, and who is wrong. It's easy. But when Jesus talks about his followers, he talks about people who are generous, people who clothe the naked, take food to the hungry, take water to the thirsty, people who visit prisoners, who invite strangers into their home. People who give their time, their money, their energy.

*****
Here and now, the only part of eternity that we get to touch is each other. As sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, we tend to live as isolated beings, locked into the invisible walls of our mind. We need to reach beyond our fears because we need each other; right beside us is another soul who longs for a home, another soul who can help us discern the signs along life's road, as they give us input and as we reach out to them.

If I call myself a Christian, I have to be willing to love like Christ loves. Lord, I can't do this alone.