The mess in my head hits paper

I've been spending a lot of time at Juvi... the kids call it "The Hill." I've been hanging out with some kids up there...and I'm learning about God in a totally different way. One conversation was flooring. The girl said that she actually could live up there because it's the first time in her life that she hasn't had to deal with constant arguing. How sad is it that we've created a place for her in this world where the only place she feels safe is a jail? "The Hill" is supposed to be a place where the kids who make others unsafe go. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this situation?

What can we do, as Christians, to change this? Something has to be done.




I will be the candle in the darkness.
I will be the hand of heaven reaching out.
I will be the mirror that reflects your unending love.
I will be the hope to the hopeless.
When there is conflict, I will be the peace that is needed.

Only by the power of Your Spirit living in me.

Belated Valentine's Day

I have never been big on Valentine's Day. But this year was a Valentine's Day I'll never forget. Since I had a major swim meet on Valentine's Day, Brian and I celebrated on Valentine's Day Eve. It was so sweet. Brian planned to cook this wonderful meal. When he got to my house, he told me that we were going to go out to a local chocolate store, so I can pick out the chocolates that I like...that way I wouldn't get any that I didn't like. As he walked me out to the car, I noticed this beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting in the passenger's seat. They were gorgeous! So, we went back inside to the put the flowers in the house, and as I'm bringing in the flowers, Brian is bringing the stuff for the dinner. We put them both on the counter and went to the candy store.

When we got home, the food was all over the house. The really nice rolls that Brian got for us had chunks missing, claw marks, bite marks, and the plastic bag it came in had holes all over it. Yep. I then found the culprit:




Brian made Valentine's Day wonderful. Then, the next day, I get to school and receive these gifts from my students:















(Yes, this is a half eaten chocolate fish...this picture is exactly as it was when I received it. )















Yes, a cough drop.



























































This card is from the boys... yes, everything is spelled wrong...on purpose.

I feel like a 23 year old again.

Jessie moved out three weeks after moving in. She got in trouble at school, and our deal was, that if she got in trouble, she would lose her cell phone. When she knew she was going to lose it, she ran away. I was just heart broken. She ran to a place where she knew she could do whatever she wanted and have no rules. I just want what's best for her. That's not what's best, but there's nothing I can do about it.

It was hard, but now things are getting back to normal. I can go back to eating green beans for dinner. When Brian and I go on dates, I don't need to find a babysitter.

But I miss her terribly. I can't walk by her room without my head hanging down or my shoulders slouching.

God is faithful. What little we have, we can turn into something big and beautiful.

I'm a mom...kinda.

The past two weeks have been life-changing. I became a guardian to a 15 year old girl. If you read my xanga posts, you would know this girl as the girl that cussed me out everyday last year. It's kinda a long story-but she wanted to get out of her home so badly that she was willing to check herself into Juvi. She came in to school to withdraw, and I couldn't allow that to happen. Juvi would blow out that light inside of her.

So, on Sunday, January 13, Jessie moved in with me. It's been a hard transition. I've gone from living, dating, eating by myself on my schedule, to being responsible for her 24/7. She's gone through a tough transition of having no rules, to having my rules. She's still a 15 year old girl, wants freedom, is homesick, and thrown into living with her old teacher. It's been crazy. I prayed for this girl forever, and I just didn't know that God wanted me a part of the solution. So far it's been good--she's been happier, clean, and her self-esteem has come up.

When I prayed about doing this, I was reminded by these few verses and quotes:

Hebrews 13:2

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.


*****

Let's be honest, it's easy to go to a church service, it's easy to read a bible. It's easy to discuss who believes what and who is right, and who is wrong. It's easy. But when Jesus talks about his followers, he talks about people who are generous, people who clothe the naked, take food to the hungry, take water to the thirsty, people who visit prisoners, who invite strangers into their home. People who give their time, their money, their energy.

*****
Here and now, the only part of eternity that we get to touch is each other. As sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, we tend to live as isolated beings, locked into the invisible walls of our mind. We need to reach beyond our fears because we need each other; right beside us is another soul who longs for a home, another soul who can help us discern the signs along life's road, as they give us input and as we reach out to them.

If I call myself a Christian, I have to be willing to love like Christ loves. Lord, I can't do this alone.